Thanksgiving
by manyissues101
Summary: -NOT MarkAngel- While trying to find something to be thankful for, Mark's thoughts lead him to Angel as he struggles to come to terms with her death.


I'm not very big on Mark, but I think that this fic put his character into perspective for me. I think that I finally get him. So I hope that this is in character. I randomly thought of this idea when I was driving to my friend's bonfire party. Which was insanely fun, by the way! I learned that throwing waffles at a moose makes it cranky! XD

0----0

Thanksgiving. A time to be happy, to think about all that you're thankful for. A time for coming together with close friends or family. A time where you just ate and rejoiced. So what was I doing on this holiday?

Nothing.

I was alone with my camera.

I'm glad that Roger wasn't here to see it; he would make a remark about how he knew that he was right.

But, really, what do I have to be thankful for? One of my friends is dead, one is in a state of depression but trying to hide it by being cheerful and failing miserably, one is doing drugs, one has moved away, and two are fighting. There's no time to come together. There's nothing to eat and nothing to rejoice about, let alone with.

To top it all off, I'm miserable at work, I have no roommate to help play the bills, my film is going nowhere, and my scarf got torn on the job. Normally Angel would have fixed it for me but…Angel isn't here anymore. What did I do before she came into my life? Hell, was there ever a time when she wasn't in my life? I know that there was, but…oh god, what are we ever going to do without her?

Sure we weren't the closest of the friends, but still… I can't imagine life without her. Without some one always stopping them when they walked on the street because some old tablecloth caught her eye or her heels hurt her feet too much for her to go on.

There was going to be no more Collins bursting in at six in the morning because he was up all night while Angel brought them coffee because no sane person could get up that early without it. And the blushing from Angel and the winks from Collins when we asked why the two where up that morning. That…grew very awkward. Roger and I aren't homophobes but…we'd rather not think about it.

No more listening and trying to understand Angel and Mimi's Spanish conversations and wondering what they were saying when my name comes into the conversation. And then watching them erupt into giggles when I ask. I always knew that I should have taken more Spanish classes. But asking Angel and Mimi to teach me was a bad idea…we couldn't get through a lesson because the two would break into some random joke that I couldn't decipher.

There would be no more Angel trying to teach Roger the drums because they were more practical and musical than the guitar in her opinion it would help him if he knew two instruments. No more arguments between the two about which instrument was more important to the scheme of things. That's something that you don't want to get in to. One time I told them that I liked the kazoo best and, well, if looks could kill…

Maureen was going to do another protest about how they wouldn't let Collins stay with Angel after visiting hours. Good thing that Angel talked her out of that…it wouldn't have been pretty. Actually, Angel was very good at talking Maureen out of things. Better than me. But that isn't saying much. I'm just glad that I didn't have to talk her out of that…it involved some brief nudity and she had me in mind to play a part…I hope she doesn't get anymore ideas. Angel isn't here to talk her out of them (or in them…I knew that the quintuple ice cream scoop was a bad idea) anymore.

Joanne got a kick out of Angel's fashion sense. Maybe because Joanne herself didn't have one. She enjoyed watching Angel create something crazy like the blanket that she made out of pillowcases and clothesline. I thought that it looked insane, but it was very warm, I'll give her that. She wanted to make Joanne something for her birthday, but she turned her down. I suppose that she knew that Angel's taste was far from hers and she didn't want to disappoint the drag queen when she never wore her creation.

Angel really brought us together now that I think about it. She gave Collins a reason to be happy, helped Roger and Mimi with their problems, talked Maureen and Joanne through some rough patches in their relationship, and she got me to come out from behind my camera. She used to tell me that I had a different level of perception than everyone else. I saw life from third person instead of relating myself to everyone else. I didn't live in the moment either, I was too busy rewinding and replaying.

There was this one time when I was trying to get the timing on this one shot right. It was of a homeless man being harassed and blown off by some rich jerk. I must have played it for hours on end. At one point Angel just looked at me and said, "You can't change what happened, Honey. Just let it be. You can't live the past, just the present. And the harder that you try to live the past the more there is and the harder it becomes."

I put my camera down and didn't pick it up until the next day. Instead, we all went to the park and walked around. It felt…strange. Like I was there. Unlike when I film and I feel as if I'm not there, like I'm an onlooker. But it wasn't a bad kind of strange. It was actually…exciting.

So as the tears stream down my face thinking of the angel that touched our family, I realize that I do have something to be thankful for.

Her.

I remembered something that she told me once:

_Don't cry because it's over._

_Smile because it happened._


End file.
